Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
