If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
