hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
