I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
