Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Enjoy the penises
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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