ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
PANTIES FOUND
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