hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
