I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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