At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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