Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
