umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
im six kinds of drunk right now
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Can I color on your dick again?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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