apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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