You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
