All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
