Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
