Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
