It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize
