bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
