Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
