Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
