My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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