i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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