Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
