He uses pillows to masturbate.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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