dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize