I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
