did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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