Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
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