She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
