im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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