The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize