My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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