it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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