I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
