He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
