Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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