he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Green mimosas i think yes
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
