So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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