just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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