i was rollin on her like bob the builder
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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