At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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