I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
