if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
