On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
She needs sedatives and a leash
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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