apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
