I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
