I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
