i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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