She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
