it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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