I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
