One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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