I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
home. puking in laundry basket.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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