White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Randomize
