And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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