Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
