im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
