it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Randomize
