Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
