woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
