Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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