Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
True strength comes from lack of pants
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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