This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
