He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
