I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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