They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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