You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Randomize
